Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
