I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
