fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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