How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
