I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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