he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
