everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
