Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize