I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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