doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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