I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
