So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
