I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We are all done wearing pants today
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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