For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
