The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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