They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
