Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am naked and annoyed.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize