Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
