Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
