im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
