I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
