i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
