spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize