Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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