please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
