my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
