I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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