she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
