I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
