I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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