when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
