Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
