He passed out mid-signature
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This toilet bowl is my home.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
