dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
