I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
