My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
