i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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