Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
