So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this will be a night to untag.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
