dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
