i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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