It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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