I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
