my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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