dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
