Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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