enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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