i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
