Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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