Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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