It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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