Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
