Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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