I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
