My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
