Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
