YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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