My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
