I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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