i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize