i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
