Kiss
Puke
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
