What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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