i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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