i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
