It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize