dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
