ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
