ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
