and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
