I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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