I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
