Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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