i can't believe i had my finger in that
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
