I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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