in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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